A Christmas Eve to Remember

Merry Christmas to all my fellow bloggers and readers! Hope you all made it on Santa’s nice list this year…

As I don’t celebrate Christmas, I usually just order in Chinese food and go out to see a movie with friends. However, this year I found out about a Christmas Eve party for Jewish singles at a nightclub downtown, so my friends and I decided to go check it out. I threw on a sexy pair of black leather leggings and halter crop top – and was ready to go meet and mingle!

The party started at 9 – so I figured we’d go an hour later (who goes to a nightclub right when the party starts??) We arrived there for 10:15, walked inside and lo and behold it was virtually empty. There were about 10 people hanging out by the bar, and a group of 5-6 girls on the dance floor swaying their hips to Israeli beats. We wanted to check our coats in, but the security guard told us that the coat check wouldn’t be open for another half hour. So we went over to the bar to get a drink… I had to pay $8 for a vodka cranberry which was ridiculous. At this point – we were feeling like this party may be a complete bust but decided to stick it out for a little while longer to see if more people would trickle in.

Sure enough by 11:30 – crowds of cute singles started making their way into the nightclub. We kicked ourselves for getting there so early – I guess you live and learn.

Everyone headed upstairs to the second level – and it was a completely differently experience than the first floor. It was dark and the DJ was blaring top 100 mixes. Private bottle service sections were set up and there was a huge dance floor with a disco ball hanging in the center with lights flashing from every direction. This was more my scene!

My friends and I grabbed another drink and made our way to the dance floor. We started swaying our hips to J Biebz and Calvin Harris. Swarms of people were dancing around us and eyeing us head to toe. Men started attacking us like vultures from left, right and center.

A pretty tall, attractive looking guy approached me and asked if I wanted to dance. I thought why not, so I wrapped my hands around his neck and his hands automatically went straight to my butt. Oh god… I went with it for a little bit.

“I have to tell you, you have a really sexy body”. I was flattered – but could already tell this guy was just looking to have a good time. “Are you from Toronto, Max?” “No – Montreal. I’m just visiting until the new year”. Red flag #2. He flipped me around and started to full out grind against me and at that point I was ready to get away from this guy.

I gave one of my girlfriends the bulged eye look and she took that as a cue to rescue me. We moved locations and continued dancing.

It was certainly an ego-boost to have so many men approach us and want to dance. I had to pull the boyfriend excuse for a few that were either 4 inches too short or were too drunk to have any sort of conversation.

My eyes were closed and I was letting my body move to the DJ’s beats. I opened my eyes for a second and sure enough saw another guy approaching me. He was tall and had a cute smile. I was a little tipsy at this point and happily accepted a dance with him. He put his hands on my shoulders which was a little awkward (but kind of adorable) and I had to push them down to my waist (clearly, he doesn’t go to the clubs much). We were singing out the lyrics to the songs and swaying our bodies together. From the little ear to ear conversation we had – I learned we were from the same suburban city, he had a full-time job and was a year older than me. Check, check and check!

He offered to buy me a drink which I happily accepted. I can officially cross that off my bucket list. We went back to the dance floor and continued dancing with both of our friends.

I don’t know if it was the alcohol or the fact that we just found each other really cute but he looked directly at me and went in for a kiss! PDA on the dance floor… another first. It wasn’t very long, but I was a little in seventh heaven.

The clock struck 1AM and I, Cinderella, had to run to make it on the last subway train. Which sucked, because the party was in full gear at that point! I could tell this guy was clearly interested in me, but had yet to ask for my # so I simply wrote his name in my phone and gave it to him. He happily added his number in and I told him I’d text him. He kissed me once more goodnight which was unexpected and then my friends and I quickly grabbed our coats and headed out.

I woke up this morning – and still can’t stop smiling while writing this. Hopefully you all had an equally fun and entertaining Christmas Eve as me.

To be continued with Christmas Eve guy… plus there are a few other contenders on my list right now so I’ll definitely be back with more stories soon.

Rejection

Adam (the guy I had gone on two dates with from Tinder) sent me a text message around 5:30PM saying “Can I quickly give you a shout?” I received it at one of the above ground stations while traveling home on the subway. My heart immediately sunk… knowing it was probably not something good to share. I had seven stops to go and each stop kept feeling like light years to get to. My mouth was getting dry and my heart wouldn’t stop racing.

I arrived at my station and got on the bus. It was full and everyone was quiet as a mouse. I knew there was no way I was going to talk to him while on the road, at the risk of breaking down in front of everyone. I texted Adam back saying I was on the bus and asked if I could call him back in fifteen minutes. He said, “Sure. Not a problem.”

My mouth was completely dry when I got off the bus. I started walking slowly towards my street and pulled up his number on my phone. I took a deep breath and pressed the dial button.

Adam: “Hey. How’s it going?”

“Hey! Pretty good. Had a long day at work. How about you?”

Back and forth casual banter went on for about a minute…

Adam: “Anyway, I wanted to tell you that I’ve had a really nice time going out and getting to know you. However, I don’t really see it going any further.”

He proceeded to tell me (as I had a feeling) that he only felt a friendly vibe.

I told him I respected the fact that he called to tell me that over the phone (which sadly made me like him that much more). I said I had a really nice time getting to know him as well. I tried fighting for him a bit… saying that I’ve found in the past that sometimes friendships can grow into something great… but no budge. He was giving one word responses and I knew it was over. There was no point to fight anymore as it was clear he had made a decision.

He rejected me… and it’s a horrible pill to swallow. I fell hard, and it had only been two dates. He was everything I was looking for on my check list – ambitious, good looking, family oriented, same values – the list goes on.

I was two minutes away from home and saw my mom outside by the garage. I ran to her and started sobbing in her arms – mascara was running down my cheeks and my throat stung. She comforted me for a few minutes and then I proceeded inside, ran up to my room and sobbed more into my pillow. I was sore all over and felt drained from crying so hard. I had a pretty horrible day at work as well, so I think the reason I was so upset was really a culmination of thoughts that had been piling up inside that needed to be released.

Was he not attracted to me? Did he get back together with his ex? Did he meet someone else? I always jump to assume it’s me – but who knows what it could have been.

I just checked Tinder and Adam was active 4 hours ago.

I’ve calmed down now but it’s still a bit surreal. I’m supposed to go out with AB tomorrow – so will try and clear my head and enjoy my time with him.

Sangria’s, X’S and O’S

Over the last week, my Italian ‘fish’, Joey, has quickly slipped away back into the dating pond. I’m just as confused as many of you may be – after reading about the successful date I had with him two weeks ago. At any rate, I was back on the prowl and might have found myself an even better contender.

Meet David: a 24 year old accountant who also appreciates high tea and shares a love for traveling.

We had been talking back and forth on OKCupid for just over a week, when we decided to move things over to Facebook. The first thing I noticed was that our birthdays were three days apart. Thought that was pretty neat. Next, I saw we shared one mutual friend. Turns out that mutual friend was a girl I went to both elementary school and high school with! As I looked through a few pictures he was tagged in, I put the puzzle pieces together and figured out they were cousins. Small world! Anyway, I suggested the two of us go out for drinks to celebrate our birthdays.

Which leads us to tonight.

The two of us met up at Jack Astor’s Bar & Grill for drinks and dinner downtown. When I got there he was already waiting in the front entrance and stepped outside as he saw me walking up the stairs. He was very cute – just like in the pictures! We hugged each other hello and then proceeded to sit down at a booth inside the dining room.

We looked over the drink menu, and decided to share a pitcher of red Sangria. I could tell David was pretty nervous, as I was initiating the majority of conversation towards the beginning. Maybe it was just my beautiful presence which made his knees week. ;) Anyway, I felt like as we continued making our way through the bottle of Sangria, he felt more at ease and asked me more questions.

We talked about our families, and I was really pleased to hear how close he was with his parents and siblings. Our conversation pretty much covered all areas including places we traveled to, our University experiences, work life and pets (so happy he shared a love for cats like I do!)

The atmosphere was really nice and after about an hour of sitting down together, they dimmed the lights in the room. It was as if the waitress telepathically read my mind as it definitely made the setting more romantic.

Along with our Sangria’s, we shared a garlic bread and pizza. It was deelish! As we finished off our meal, I noticed there were some crayons at the table and our plates covered a sheet of drawing paper. That led into several games of X’s and O’s (which I won twice) and we also played a few games of hang man. Definitely a fun ice breaker activity on a first date. It was also a good way of learning what kind of bands he liked, cities he visited, and TV shows he watched. Even if you don’t have a Jack Astor’s in your city, I’m sure there is a similar restaurant that can allow you and your date to relive some of those classic childhood games.

Just over two hours later, he paid the bill (I offered to contribute) and we walked towards the subway. Once we got there I thanked David again for dinner. He said he had a nice time and hoped I got home safely. We had a nice hug goodbye and then we proceeded our separate ways. I had a silly grin on my face while taking the escalator down into the subway.

I texted him when I got home saying, “Hey. Just wanted to let you know I got home safe and thanks again for a great evening!”

David responded about ten minutes later saying, “Glad to hear that. :)”

I really hope he’s interested in going on a second date! Don’t want to get too excited, but I think he is definitely a good one. Thoughts?

Storia D’amore

Over the last few days I’ve been writing back and forth with Joey on OkCupid. I stumbled across his profile and immediately liked what I saw. He was Italian (tall, dark and handsome). Joey proclaimed he was a huge geek when it came to TV shows, video games, board games, the arts — all of which I equally geek out over! To top of it all off he was studying to become a lawyer and spoke fluent Italian (what girl wouldn’t want to have the sexy Italian language whispered into her ear night and day?) Guys, time to pick up a new language!

We decided to meet Tuesday evening to grab dinner / drinks. I was pretty nervous, though excited! The plan was for him to meet me at the subway station close to where I work and from there go find a local pub and perhaps walk around the area afterwards to spot out some celebrities (as the Toronto International Film Festival is going on right now). At 5:30pm I received a text saying “can you call me when you get this?” I immediately braced myself for the worst, and dialed his number. He picked up after a few rings…

Joey: So I hope you don’t find this really weird but I was on the bus over to you and I got a horrible nose bleed. It’s pretty bad. Probably from the humidity outside. I need to go back home to shower / get changed.

Me: That’s horrible! I’m sorry to hear that. Do you want to take a rain check on hanging out?

Joey: No, tonight still works! I’m not too far from my house. Can we meet up in half an hour / 45 minutes?

So the new plan was for me to venture further down the subway line (about 10 stops away from where I currently was) to go to a shopping mall which was closer to him. We decided to meet on the subway platform. Pretty romantic spot, right?

I started walking down the platform to spot him. The humidity was dreadful. It’s about 40 degrees Celsius here and I was praying my hair wouldn’t turn into a complete frizz ball by the time I made it to where he was standing. I finally spotted him. I know what you’re thinking and no… we didn’t run into each others arms and share a passionate kiss. However, we did share a really nice hug hello. We walked into the shopping mall which was connected to the subway and instantly started cooling down.

Joey was just as cute as how he appeared in his pictures. Conversation started off slowly until we parked ourselves down inside a Pickle Barrel restaurant. We ordered food and conversation picked up — we talked about everything from our travels to family to our pets.

We shared a Caesar salad. Of course I had to order the spaghetti and meatballs (classic Italian dish). He ordered a curry dish, and shared a bit of my pasta as it was very filling (unfortunately there was no Lady and the Tramp moment).

We finished dinner around 8:30pm and he suggested we go see a movie, as there was a theater inside the same mall. I definitely wanted to continue our date so we paid the bill and headed over to the theater. The earliest time the next movie played was an hour later, and I wasn’t quite sure what to do as I knew the movie probably wouldn’t end til around 11pm and I would still need to subway back home to the suburbs. Joey said it was totally up to me. He had already seen that movie but would totally see it again. He even offered to drive me home afterwards, depending on what I felt comfortable with.

I decided to stay and watch the movie with him. Over the next hour before the movie started we explored the Indigo store next door, and then played a game of air hockey (which I totally let him win). Afterwards, we got cozy in the theater and started watching. There were definitely some flirtatious vibes in the air! Our legs were touching, and my head was pretty close to resting on his shoulder a few times.

The movie ended at 11pm and we got to the subway around half past. I knew the subway ran until 1:30am but I had never taken it on my own that late at night. Let alone, I had never taken that route before, and knew I’d have to transfer subway lines twice to get back home. Again, he offered to drive me home but I felt bad as he was tired so I insisted to just subway home. I was embarrassed to discover I ran out of tokens and the worker at the booth would only accept cash. Being the gentleman he was, Joey handed me a $10 bill and let me buy some tokens with it. I insisted on paying him back later on but he said not to worry about it.

He waited on the platform with me (got through with his monthly pass). We talked a bit longer although we were back out in the heat and the humidity started making us both fade quite a bit. When the subway started emerging from the tunnel, we shared a fairly long hug goodbye. I told him I had a really nice time and said hopefully we can hang out again soon. He agreed (which I certainly hoped he meant).

I managed to get home safe and sound that night! He texted me around 12:30am to make sure I got home okay, which was so sweet. I didn’t get to bed until 1:30am that morning. Joey and I talked more last night (he initiated the conversation) which is definitely a good sign!

Sweet, genuine guys like him don’t come around very often, and I really hope this one does work out. Let’s all keep our fingers crossed!

Menchies or Munchies?

I chatted on the phone about three times with Kevin, one of my most recent potential suitors from POF, prior to us meeting the other night. Each conversation was about an hour long, and he was really growing on me. His voice was sexy, and he had just the right balance of sarcasm and humour. During our first hour long phone conversation, we decided to ask each other random questions back and forth. Both of us share the same favourite colour: purple. We both take the subway everyday to get to work. He’s allergic to cats: major strike against him. Although as we continued asking each other questions, all of what we shared in common made up for that large strike. From everything we gathered about each other, he created a story of ‘how we met’, if the two of us were to work out:

We were both on the subway, en route to work. With suburbangirl4love being so directionally challenged, she asked me for directions. Something clicked and we decided to exchange our names to add each other on Facebook. From there we saw we had several mutual friends and decided it would be cool to go out and get to know each other more. So on our first date, we grabbed a bite and then proceeded to buy each other purple shirts.

He then proceeded to go into how lame he thought it was (sounded better in his head and regretted saying it out loud). I thought it was really cute and told him I wouldn’t change a thing.

So Kevin and I decided to meet at Menchie’s (frozen yoghurt place) Wednesday night. Being in condo sales, Kevin works about 10 hours each day so it was nice of him to meet up with me after work. Menchie’s closes at 11pm week nights so we had decided to meet for 9:30. He texted me around 8:30 to say he was about to leave downtown and he’d probably make it home for around 9:30. I told Kevin to text me when he was about to leave to head over to meet me.

I waited and waited in anticipation. 9:30 turned to 10. I finally heard from him to say he was leaving his house and would be there for quarter after. So I thought… okay, we’ll at least have 45 minutes to hang out. I walked over to Menchie’s and sat outside waiting for him. Within 5 minutes, I literally got 3 different mosquito bites which just made my fidgeting worse.

20 after 10, Kevin arrives and first thing I think: super cute but definitely shorter than me. I get up to hug him hello and I awkwardly bend over a little to hug him. Yes, he was definitely a bit shorter.  Anyway, I put that aside and we walked into Menchie’s. He told me it was his first time which was cool so I showed him how it works and proceeded to greedily fill my cup with Cake Batter, Peanut Butter and Cookies n’ Cream Frozen Yoghurt. Then the usual toppings: cheese cake bits and strawberries. My salivation almost made me forget about him for a second. Then my brain snapped back and we went to the counter. He said it was on him. (Bonus points!)

We sat down and conversation went really well. We picked up from our phone conversations and I found out we shared a lot more in common. 11pm arrived and the Menchie’s crew started closing up which meant we were going to be kicked out soon. I suggested we walk and talk around the plaza. We got up again and I noticed the height difference, although it didn’t bother me as much this time. We started walking around and the mosquitos instantly attacked us. We sat down on a bench and continued talking. That’s when I get call #1 from my mother. I pick it up and she asked where I was. I told her I was just hanging out in the area. Of course, she started freaking out, asking me to be more specific. I mouthed to Kevin how she was being a typical, overprotective mom. For laughs, I put her on speaker phone so he could hear how worked up she was getting about me (out of love, of course). I had told Kevin she knew who I was with beforehand. He said that was cool, because for all she knew, he could of been some serial killer.

Kevin proceeded to shout into the phone about how I was in safe hands. Oh, and that we were just getting high and drunk. I immediately went off speaker phone and told my mom none of that was true. My mom knows me, so she believed me, but she of course got very concerned about him after she heard that. Not because she worried about him influencing me, but apparently because she found him to be too nonchalant considering he had never met her before. I said I’d keep her updated. We then walked over to sit on the grass and there were definitely some flirtatious vibes going back and forth. It had only been about 20 minutes since phone call #1, and then I see my mom calling again. I pick it up and she said that she was going to send my dad to pick me up in the next ten minutes. I said to her that Kevin offered to give me a ride home. She then proceeded to freak out at me: “Listen to me right now. Please, do not get in the car with him.” She continued and her voice kept growing with concern and anger for me to listen to her. I didn’t know what to do. I felt like she was ruining the end of my date. I could tell Kevin was getting frustrated and God knows what he was thinking about my family and me. I hung up on my mom (I know, horrible). Kevin then said:

It’s getting kind of late, and I know we both have to get up early for work tomorrow. Do you still want a ride home?

My mom’s voice got in my head and I told him I was just going to walk home (as much as I would have loved for him to drive me home). He understood. I felt like an idiot. We hugged goodbye and there really wasn’t any mention of seeing each other again. I felt like the night could have ended on such a better note if my mom hadn’t interfered.

My dad found me about halfway home so I hopped in the car but was too angry to speak. When I got home I stormed to my room. My mom came upstairs shortly after and apologized several times. She felt really bad, but was genuinely concerned about me getting into a car with him.

I was really upset with her that night, but I forgave her soon after. As her actions were only out of love and concern for me.

I texted Kevin shortly after I got home to apologize for what happened and hoped he didn’t get the wrong impression of me or my family. I told him I freaked out at my mom and he responded, saying I shouldn’t blame her. So update: I haven’t heard from him since then. You know what though, if he’s not going to give me a second chance based on that, then he really isn’t worth having in my life. Your thoughts?

What can come of Kissing an Origami Frog?

I slept in this morning, fully intending to stay in my pajamas all day and work on my Thesis project. This was until 2pm, when my Facebook prince charming (see last post for reference) sent me a text message asking what I was up to today. I told him I had nothing much planned aside from lounging around at home. He wrote:

Boring.

I asked what exciting plans he had for the day. He was just hanging out and had no plans either. I asked if he wanted to meet up and he agreed! As we were trying to arrange plans, I had that giddy and nervous feeling in my stomach. I could barely eat my cream cheese bagel as I was trying hard to think of a place we could meet in between where he and I live (since I’m in the suburbs and he lives mid-town).

After some back and forth of trying to find a good spot, I decided it would just be better if I took the subway to meet him mid-town since there was more to do there and we could walk around / grab a drink. I then took the bold move of asking him to call my cell phone so we could confirm where to meet. After chowing down the rest of my bagel I quickly ran upstairs to pick out an outfit. I was shaking… God knows why. Probably a combination of nerves and my mother always turning the heat down. As I took a few options out of my closet, my phone rang and it was him! I took a deep breath and answered the phone.

He had a deep, sexy voice. Although we only talked briefly, I felt very relaxed and at ease. We agreed to meet right at the subway station. As soon as we got off the phone I zoned into primping and priming for the next half hour and then headed straight to the subway.

I arrived right on time and was pleased with navigating my way through the station, as I’m pretty directionally challenged. I stood nonchalantly against a wall in a waiting area above ground. Thankfully it was indoors so I didn’t have to bear the cold while waiting. I called him and he told me he was walking over and would be 5 more minutes. I absolutely hate waiting for the guy to arrive as it makes me feel ten times more nervous, but I gave him a cool response and said, “no worries”.

When he walked through the door I recognized him instantly. He appeared just as cute as in his Facebook pictures. Had thick, messy hair, black rimmed glasses and greyish-blue eyes. When he approached me to hug hello I recognized we were actually about the same height. I had thought he was taller, but it wasn’t an issue. He suggested we go to the Aroma Espresso Bar around the corner so away we went.

When we got to the cash register, they took his order first and when they asked if he wanted to get anything else, he didn’t look over at me. We ended up just paying separately. Typically, I’d take this as a red flag. However, he had previously opened up to me in regards to having to take care of himself since he was 13 and how money was tight for him so I was okay with paying for myself. He ordered an iced cappuccino and I got a hot chocolate. They each came with a little milk chocolate which he was so excited about. It was very cute; like a little giddy boy getting chocolate as a rare treat.

We sat down and conversation flowed so well. Usually I feel uncomfortable having coffee dates and having to sit face to face but there was not one awkward pause. We listened to each other and seemed genuinely interested in what each other had to say. He asked me lots of questions about what I did and seemed very impressed. He really opened up to me about having to become so independent at such a young age. We talked about religion and how that factored into his family dynamics. I was completely fascinated and had such admiration for all his hard work. He had to live on his own since a very young age and with that pay his own bills, do his own laundry, take classes and work a part-time job as many hours as he could get. Despite living on his own since a young age he still has a relationship with his family and has such an optimistic and adventurous outlook on life.

Not only was he incredibly good looking, but he also had a nerdy side to him which I found so attractive. He told me he knew all the N64 Mario Kart and Mario Party tricks which is a huge turn on for me since it was one of the few video games I grew up playing. He then made me a tiny origami frog out of a TTC bus transfer ticket and in return I made him a fortune teller made out of Kleenex. Of course, the giddy school girl in me filled it in and wrote little messages like:

Within the next week, you will make the girl across from you a home cooked Spaghetti meal.

He then went on to show me some magic tricks and I was just becoming more impressed with this guy. He then requested for more Aroma chocolates and was so serious about it that I couldn’t help but grin. They brought over about ten of them to our table. He gave me three. I sarcastically told him how generous he was. We couldn’t stop smiling. We then discussed how I’d help him design some self-promotional branding materials within the next week (of course, he’d need to be creative with what he’d give me in return, aside from the origami frog).

Two and a half hours later we walked around and explored Indigo. At the 3 hour mark it was already 6:30 pm and he said it was probably time to get home. I agreed, so we headed towards the subway together so he could see me off.

Update: he called 2 hours ago! I was surprised to see his name pop up but excitedly threw my laptop down and ran upstairs. He wanted to know what my email was so he could send over what he wanted designed. We also talked about what we had for dinner. He didn’t have any! I felt bad and wished I could go over there to make him some Kraft Dinner (my specialty).

Who know where this will go but I’m looking forward to seeing where it’s headed. What’s your prediction?

Lonely Girls Valentine Fantasy

Last night I was heading home from the subway and just as I was leaving the station I saw a man holding a single red rose as he was heading up the escalator. I thought to myself whoever was about to receive that token of love was a lucky girl.

I’ve never celebrated Valentine’s Day with a guy I cared about. Probably because none of my serious relationships lasted long enough to make it to February 14th. I feel like part of ‘Valentine’s Day’ is just a clever marketing tactic for restaurants and theatres to up their prices. Despite this, I’d love nothing more than to go out on a romantic date; where the guy opens the door for me, takes me to see a romantic comedy and then buys me an overly expensive dish of chicken-fettuccine alfredo. Then he’d take me to a hotel where rose petals are scattered down the front aisle towards the bedroom (of course I’m referencing ‘The Bachelor’). Then we’d lie in each others arms for hours and even though there would be moments of silence it would just feel… right. Or we could skip the expensive meal and he could make a home cooked meal… equally as attractive in my books.

I know Valentine’s Day is more than just a money monster. It’s also about being with someone you truly care about and sharing in each others affection. It’s about making the other person smile and laugh. Maybe opening your door to a dozen roses or a big teddy bear with numerous x’s and o’s written across it.

I am fortunate enough to have a great family that still celebrates Valentine’s Day together. I wake up with a heart shaped container filled with ferrero rochers, and my dad always makes a fantastic dinner for all of us to share. There is always so much love in my household and as much as I’d love to share a romantic night with someone, I really do have a lot of special people in my life. My closest girlfriends wished me a happy Valentine’s Day, despite some of them currently living outside the country.

The fact that I do have such great friends and family doesn’t make this lonely girl feel extremely sad or bogged down. I am so appreciative for what I do have in my life and look forward to the successes and opportunities that are waiting ahead of me. I also want to thank all of you for continuing along this journey with me. All your feedback, suggestions and stories really make me feel like I’m not alone and to keep pushing forward.

What’s your take on Valentine’s Day? What did you do to celebrate? Or maybe you simply stayed at home in your pajamas like me and watched re-runs of ‘Catfish’ and ‘Modern Family’.

More Than a Friend

Over the last three years of school I’ve developed an incredible friendship with a guy who at first appeared to me as very awkward, closed off and shy. I was never sure whether to approach him to say hello (as I would see him on the subway going home often standing on his own) and always wanted to say something but never sure whether he wanted to talk.

It wasn’t until one of our classes when we were given a partner assignment and by chance happened to get each others names. Since then over the last three years I have seen him slowly grow out of his quiet, awkward shell and we have become so close that we can talk to each other about anything. We can relate on levels that others may not be able to understand due to our past and we both value each others friendship more than words can say.

Since last summer I noticed a change in his behaviour. The way he acted around me, his constant fidgeting… I could sense he was battling something internally that he wouldn’t share with me. Up until recently I remained silent as it was never anything extreme and I still felt at ease in his presence but this past week things changed dramatically. When we were together working on an assignment it felt very formal and tense talking to him. He was fidgeting more than usual and when I looked into his eyes I could tell there was something wandering in his head that was trapped. It was as if whatever was on his mind kept growing and trying to get out but the more he kept it in the more violent it became.

After our class this past Friday we rode the subway home together and before he got off at his stop, he turned to me and said…

I really want to tell you something. (pause) I’m just too afraid.

Then he walked off and I was at a loss. I reflected on our friendship over the last three years and what may have caused it to change. I had always sensed how much he cared for me; through his actions and harmless flirtatious comments here and there but I never knew exactly how he felt towards me. I never talked to him about my relationships out of fear he did feel something towards me and if that was the case never wanted to hurt him.

However, I knew it was time he told me how he felt whatever may happen as a result of it. I composed a heart felt email to him Friday night when I got home explaining how I genuinely cared for him and I could sense something wasn’t right. I told him that nothing he would say would jeopardize our friendship.

The next day I got a new notification in my email that he had responded. As I read it, I started crying as my prediction was right. He did in fact have stronger romantic feelings for me that had been growing since the summer. He was always afraid to tell me how he felt as he never wanted things to be awkward if I didn’t feel the same, especially because we are working on several projects together this year.

After reflecting and organizing my thoughts, I sent an email back to him. I explained how honoured I felt that he cared for me that much. I was also so happy he finally expressed his feelings which I knew was hard for him to do as I am one of the only people he feels comfortable talking to, and since the subject was me he had no one else to turn to. I told him that I value his friendship so much and it means the world to me, but I didn’t feel there was a romantic connection that could develop. I would also never want to sacrifice our dynamic work relationship, especially if we were to go into business together post graduation.

I know that it will probably take him some time to process my email response and it may be a bit awkward at first when I see him, but I really hope we can get back to how our friendship used to be.

Is the Subway (TTC) the New Matchmaking Service?

I was on the subway this morning en route to my summer class and observed across from me there was a woman who appeared in her late 20s, petite and dressed casually, who sat with her hands clutching onto the purse in her lap. She herself was in the midst of observing her environment cautiously. A few stops later on the subway line, a man who appeared also in his late 20s/ early 30s walked on and looked around to find a place to sit. He appeared tall, built and also dressed casually. He eyed the spot next to her but prior to sitting he noticed her, and both of their eyes met each other. He gave her a crooked smile and I didn’t notice whether she smiled back, but he then went to sit next to her.

For the next few subway stops they would casually catch a glance at the other. I tried not to stare, but I couldn’t help myself. It appeared like a perfect love story and I wanted to see how it would play out. You could tell the woman was trying to concoct a plan in her head to talk to him, but all she could think of was the continuous pattern of glances. I was hopeful their glances would lead to something more. After those few subway stops had passed, the man stood up and moved his bag over to where the doors open to let passengers out. So now he stood on the other side of her. As the subway continued to move, he bent down to purposely take longer than usual to fumble through the papers in his bag, as his body was purposely positioned to view her side, and he continued looking up every few seconds. I could tell she was trying to catch his glance in the corner of her eye several times. She took out her mirror and played with her hair a bit which caught his attention, but by the time she looked over, he was standing up again looking over a paper he ultimately pulled out of his bag.

You could tell she appeared disappointed and lost at what to do. Two stops later, the man picked up his bag and exited the subway. She of course noticed and the disappointment that crossed her face was much more evident and I couldn’t help but feel bad for her.

On my way home, there was an incredibly cute guy who was reading a novel and was wearing a business suit — which as you may have read in a previous blog post, I give out bonus points to intellects. I felt in the same predicament as her. “He’s so bloody cute, but how do I start up a conversation?” Better yet… “is it appropriate to try and pursue someone on the subway of all places?”

What are your thoughts? Should either the man or woman on the subway have been bold and given each other their phone numbers? Is the subway an inappropriate place to pick up someone? Or is it just the opposite… do you think it could actually be the perfect place to introduce yourself if you get some sort of vibe or positive feeling?